back home

They tell you it will be weird going back home, a little bit of a shock…and it is.

 I wasn’t ready to leave, but I knew that I never fully would be. I imagine it would be impossible for me to reach a point where I didn’t want to hold my kids or make them smile just one more time. It’s starting to hit me now how much I miss them. I went through last night and showed my mom the hundreds of pictures I took from the trip, and now even she misses them. You really can capture a lot in a picture. Being home now though, I have no regrets about my trip and I wouldn’t change a thing. It was the most fulfilling three weeks and I’m glad that I can at least say that.

Traveling yesterday was fine, but still a long process that I could do without. I forgot that traveling internationally means a whole lot of waiting in line after line….security, customs, immigration, security again, re-checking baggage, you name it. I’m also the first to admit that I’m a little challenged when it comes to navigating airports. At one point a man directed me to a map, not knowing that maps actually look more like complicated puzzles to me…I am my mother’s daughter. I got a lot of walking in and found the places I needed to be, and after some bad weather and plane delays I finally landed in Dallas. I departed the plane with the goofiest grin that I couldn’t get off of my face because I was so excited to see and hug my parents. I took off with my embarrassing smile…booking it in the wrong direction. Didn’t take me too long to realize it though, and I turned around and found my folks. Man it felt good to hug them again.

I’ve experienced my fair share of culture shock being back, but that was something I expected. It hits you quickly as the aerial view of the impoverished, scattered slums of Haiti are juxtaposed with the affluent, neatly planned neighborhoods of America.  Also, in one of the airports I was sitting behind a boy who kept showing me his Toy Story doll. He was an energetic little fellow, chatting it up and restlessly standing and walking around from chair to chair. Anyways, the mom looked back at one point and I asked her how old her son was. When she answered and told me he was two, I think my mouth dropped a little bit. My mind immediately flashed to the two-year-olds I just spent three weeks with, all of whom haven’t learned to speak yet, and many that can’t even walk or much less jump around even if they wanted to. Not to mention, they were all about half of this American boy’s size. It was pretty unreal.

Waking up in my bed this morning was bizarre. I’m not usually very coherent upon waking up, but I noticed two things immediately. First I was shocked at how dark it still was at 6:00 a.m. I had forgotten that the whole world doesn’t start getting bright at about 4:30. Second, it was almost eerie how silent it was. I wrote a post earlier about all of the sounds in Haiti…and it truly is insanely quieter here. Kind of nice, but I also really miss the noises. It is just such a different feel.

I just got back from a jog, and the paved roads of my neighborhood were definitely refreshing. I found myself looking up significantly more rather than staring at my feet, trying to avoid holes, cracks, and drop-offs. Again, it felt so quiet on my run, almost empty compared to the mornings of passing countless friendly faces in Haiti. I finally passed a couple walking their dog, and I think I greeted them a little extra loud and excited, Haitian style. But everyone else I passed were people zooming by in cars, probably making their drive to work in the comfort of their own vehicles. It made me realize how much industrial revolutions and advancements in technology transform things. We don’t walk everywhere on foot here greeting each other and waving to everyone in our neighborhood, and it’s simply because we don’t have to. Just about all of us have access to our own vehicle, and if we are walking somewhere, a lot of times we are also in the middle of a conversation on our cell phones or maybe even plugged into our ipods. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the comfort of my car and music just as much as anyone. But I’m just noticing that it’s vastly different here. I feel like most of these fancy luxuries that we have access to have robbed us of a sense of community and living life together that I felt was present in Haiti. They’ve changed things that I don’t think we even realize have changed anymore. I hope that makes sense.

There’s so much I couldn’t blog about while I was in Haiti because of both lack of time and reliable internet, so I’m sure over this week or whenever I’ll update occasionally with random posts, whether it be stories I can’t stop thinking about or reflections as I have a lot of time to think now back at home.

I’m grateful that I made it back safely, but it’s definitely a slow and strange transition coming home. I’m a little bit glad though of all of the things I now notice, and I almost hope it does take awhile to reach the day when it feels completely normal to be here and not in Haiti.

Again, thank you all for your prayers and for those of who made this trip possible. I can honestly say it’s one of the most amazing journeys that God has taken me on in my life. I’ll hopefully post with more pictures soon…love you guys and am glad I have been able to share at least a little bit of my experience with you!